Ma said the sweetest and saddest thing to me today 

" I wish you were beside me now and we can talk to each other face to face " 

:( 

I want a ring pop ! 

Liquid Eyeliner, I need you :( 

Everyone has to sink their teeth into UK's KFC . There are no gimmicks, no usual Singapore's favorite - the spicy type, but just the good old original.

Work was brilliant, with me walking up and down town to try on dresses. Got my three ultra spring type dresses , two bandeau and one flowy one. Yes. So what's best when you are just too tired to whip up a meal. Head to bloody kfc with the boys. Was picked up by them with Mr urinating at the shop as he was too excited to see my other work mates. Bollocks ! 

Time to sleep even though is 9.29pm  and I can't wait to move into my new swanky place just that I hate the process of moving and of course packing all the junk that I have since I came to England .

I love my boys :) 

I miss them :( 

It's strange how I start smiling when we speak on skype...when I face them and start laughing at their silly faces. The part where it gets even more hilarious is when I tell my mama that I am heading to the kitchen or toilet and she'll just keep taking even though I am obviously not there. Then I will hear my sister laughing and then going " maaa jie is not here " 

Then I will get very excited when I have like the ultimate top latest news to spill to them, my heart races, voice starts squealing and I see them just smiling at me and my stupid behavior. They are like my two legs, the pillars of support. My mama and the sis.  It's three years since Dad's passing, everyday feels like he still exists but I know I have my two ladies there for me :)

Can't wait to head back to Singapore.. Something to look forward.  

I remembered last christmas when we had down towards hyde park for the annual german xmas market I knew I hadto sit on this ride. 

Little did I know that it was not a so much of a  kiddy ride and I started grabbing onto him,,  squealed like a pig that was about to be slaughter for pork pie. 

FAT FAT FAT 

I hate the feeling of fat days, well I've just got to blame myself for stuffing so many creme eggs, brownies with ice cream. I can feel myself growing horizontally :( 

Going to  paste a fat picture of myself up ... Miss Lau do you have any super ugly past ST pictures of hot me at that time ? 

I want to head up to land of hamburgers and fries to gark and salivate at Erin Fetherston clothes 

I am beginning to only wear jeans when neccessary and I should stop looking at stupid fashion magazines and bury myself in Kotler's marketing theories. Skirts are the thing for me now, paisley, high waist, tulip the collection gets more. 

Whats with harem pants, personally I feel it just makes one look like Aunt Marg in Harry Potter, for me monochrome is still my baby  . 

HAPPY MUSIC 

HAPPY MUSIC 

MORE

HAPPY MUSIC 

I hate sad songs and the best thing is that I keep it on loop. And then I start thinking of him, the tear drop that rolled down his cheeks. Him trying to speak out to me but his eye shut, far far away from me. Me staring at the xray results, trying to swallow down all the information. 

Maybe I was too strong at that time, maybe I tried to be the pillar but the after effects always comes back to haunt me. It's at this time where the house is dead silent and the boy snores beside me, that thoughts starts filling me. That when I can hear the heater rumbling on, and ponder if time could just stand still. I begin to feel myself moving back in time, him saying goodbye to me at the living room. The last goodbye. 

Doubts fill me now and then, that day brought the world down to me. I tried carrying it on my shoulders with a brave face but I think maybe if I have wailed, screamed, hit the walls maybe then maybe I would feel much better right now.  I think I am quite a strange creature, I myself do not know for certain if I've moved on. But tell me how does one move on when such happens with just a snap of a thumb.  At 19 years of age,  at the age of maturity and when you know the facts of life, I think its pretty unfair. 

Everytime i hear her voice, I get shivers, start thinking about dad and then my journals are just staring blankly at me ...

The storm is coming but i don't mind.
People are dying, i close my blinds.

All that i know is i'm breathing now.

I want to change the world...instead i sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that i know is i'm breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All that i know is i'm breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

I miss her .....

1) Crazy Laughter

2) Squaking " Jon Korr...Jie....Mummmy"

3) Having arguments with me

4) Giving me straight honest opinions

5) Kerepok frying skills

6) Low snores

7) Pigging out with me , sharing onion rings to be specific

8) Talking to me like face to face

9) Telling me to grow up  

10) Not being able to be with me right now 

 :( 

I am tartarfied 

Bought  the most delicious huge arse fruit tart from the farmers market and within two days it was being digested by both of us :( 

Brilliant 

There is such a huge hype about valentines day, till now I don't really know the story or theme behind it. I am not a mushy mashy potato so this day was like any ordinary day and since it landed on Saturday its FAMILY DAY !

Took our new car zippy and headed out to Ripley with the boys for the twice monthly farmers market . I love farmers market, the local produce, the alluring smell of roast pork roll, big fat juicy olives and of course tarts ! How can I say not to homemade tarts, flans and eclairs :) Manage to get some doggy biscuits, flans and of course I cant do without chutney. Everyone must try having sandwiches with ham and chutney . Solid Papaya....

What else is best when one can walk with your dear boys in town, have a nice cuppa hot chocolate and lemon cake.  The best thing about family day is I am looking forward to KFC variety meal and yeap I am trying to watch the old forgotten sbc show  最后一个大侠 ：） 

I am trying really hard to understand the show  as there is no subtitles...Damn 

KFC later ..yippe ! 

I hate people who come for group meeting and sit like a dodo bird staring or looking at their fingers while I have to keep prompting or basically give all the ideas.

Eat shit

Drink pee

Smell my fart

Damn

Snowy days makes me want to put on this dress , hop into my green hunter wellies and parade around school

slush dirt and falls

Having him for the last few months has caused me immense joy and pain. The constant training that I had to have with him, teaching him how to be potty trained. Shouting at him to bugger off. I have a love hate relationship with him, but I love him still :) 

SnowFall With The Boys 

I'm feeling the age thing. My bones now ache when it's cold resorting in taking inflammatory medications. What a bummer.